Kadiera's Playground Cute but Evil - it averages out

today's horoscope seems rather appropos given my thoughts this morning:

No one is perfect, and that includes you! So why are you holding yourself to such an impossibly high standard? You think that anything is possible if you just persevere, but that is simply not the case. Today you have to be smart enough to know what you don't know -- and get help with the things you can't do alone. There is no harm in asking for help. You are not doing yourself any favors by being so stubborn about this. Reach out and you will be greeted with warmth, support and understanding.

I've been realizing lately that things are not getting better. I mean, yes, Alex is bigger and getting a bit better day by day, and yes, Barry is up and around and not overly pained by his leg...but that things in my head are not really any better.

Things arent' worse - they're shifting; it's not that there aren't good days, but that the bad days are really bad and the good days are only marginally so.

I dunno. It's hard to explain in any meaningful way. I talk to my therapist, and even she thinks that I need a break, but how do you take a break when your entire life is the problem?

Taking a break from the hospital was her suggestion, but right now I feel like I need to be there more, not less - he's better for us than for them, and I frequently feel like he needs someone to advocate for him and protect him, and look out for his best overall interests, rather than just one specific detail of his current care.

Anyway. Much thinking and researching to do, and an appt with my doctor on Monday to discuss other options.