Kadiera's Playground Cute but Evil - it averages out

I know I'm behind on this sort of thing. I really need to get with the program now that I'm actually capable of writing again. Writing is theraputic, and I need that.

*****

It's been a rough week. Things are better without zoloft, other than the depression. It's not like I felt *good* on zoloft, emotionally speaking, so it's not a huge loss to get rid of it, but it does mean I'm more likely to be sniffly, particularly when I'm tired, which is pretty much all the time.

I decided Monday that I need to do *something* on that front, so I called the insurance yesterday, got some referrals, and made an appointment with a therapist for Monday. The intake forms are long and have a lot of crazy questions, but I'm answering them all, honestly, on the theory that if the therapist can't handle my quirks, we won't get along anyway.

*****

Alexander is, simply put, amazing. He's gotten so big (well, relatively speaking - big for him, not big for babies that are his actual age, or even big for full term babies, which is pretty much where he's at now, since today would have been 38 weeks).

Last night when I got there, he was crying and his nurse said she'd changed his diaper, and he wasn't supposed to eat for a half hour, so she wasn't sure what his issue was. I went over to his crib, put my hands on him, and started talking to him. As soon as I caught his attention between sobs, he realized I was there, and he stopped crying, like a light switch was turned off. He opened his eyes and just kept looking at me and smiling.

I live for those smiles.

He was wide awake and looking around for a while, and then we fed him, and he drifted off into a very sound sleep.

*****

Work simply is. I'm working on my paper for SAE, which I'm supposed to be co-authoring with my boss, who hasn't actually written a single word. I've got permission to go crash a conference room to do that, which is nice since my workstation won't run anything that will read MS office docs. The drama of what to do about my laptop continues - I can buy the same part for about 25% of what they want to charge, so something is obviously wrong somewhere.

*****

I'm off schedule on pumping milk again. I'm a little less stressed about it than I used to be, since it seems that I am above and beyond most NICU moms. Our milk doesn't have the hormone boost a full term mom does, babies are more efficient at encouraging more milk to be made than a pump is, and stress and meds and all those other things contribute too. I'd rather we try to stay on schedule so that supply doesn't drop off again, but occasional blips don't make that much difference right now, and I seem to have reached the max volume that the pump can induce without pumping considerably more often.

*****

I need to get out more. Freya may call this weekend for us to go do something. We're going to the rifle/pistol range the next weekend with mi2600 folks, as well as going to first friday. And I'm going to try to drag my butt out of bed Sunday morning for meditation and a dharma talk at the zen center down the road.

*****

I've also become addicted to cloth diapers - particularly, to hunting down deals on used ones. When I can pay $5-$10 for a diaper that I can use over and over again, as opposed to a disposable that I would pay $0.25-$0.30 each for, it's not a bad deal. And cloth can often be re-sold to recoup part of the investment (if you're not planning on using them for another child).

I've got cute dyed and tie-dyed prefolds and a bunch of different daycare friendly shaped diapers, so it ought to be fun.

I also bought some new stuff, and a diaper pail, and wet bags, and wipe solution and...well, anyways, lots of *stuff* for diapers.

*****

The baby stuff is mostly sequestered in a closet until it's needed, but sometimes it's nice to go in there and see all the stuff and be reminded that it's real. I have a ton of laundry to do, in terms of new sheets and blankets and towels, and new clothes (though we're only washing things that fit right now that he can wear at the hospital).